The Booty Shorts Challenge
Now yes, part of his reasoning are oh so typical of a male - His wife in booty shorts? That's hot. However, a long conversation followed the booty short challenge and it was about confidence (or my lack of confidence) His frustration on how I view my own body. His frustration about me being overly self conscience and lacking pride in who I was and how hard I work.
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. How can I truly help others believe and live my words if I can't?
Looking back, I cringe. I cringe at how hypocritical I really was. I think about the thoughts that circulated through my head when a female would walk by wearing short shorts, booty shorts, just a sports bra. Should she be wearing that? I wish my legs looked like that. She didn't have kids yet, just wait. Goodness girl, cover up. My legs will never look that good. (You might be able to tell that my issues are with my legs ;-)
I not only cringe. I get sad. Sad that those words were going through my head so naturally and free flowing. I did nothing to combat the negative body image culture that I was surrounded by. I went right along with it. I can say that I tried to combat it by giving proper advice to those around me because deep down inside I knew that those negative thoughts streaming through my mind were a reflection of my own issues and lack of self confidence.
A rough 30 days
I took those 30 days head on. I took a hard look at my past. Two childhood incidents began to blare at me and kept creeping into my mind. I tried to ignore them and told myself to stop trying to psychoanalyze everything and then I gave in and let them repeat in my mind over and over again.
- A time freshman year in high school, when a fellow freshman asked me how much I weighed because she had to write her weight down on a form and having no clue so she asked others around her that looked like they weighed the same as her. By the look on her face after she heard my number and turned to ask someone else, my number was way to high. I was now fat.
- A time in middle school, when another girl claimed, I called her friend the 'B' word. Now, I won't pretend to be perfect, but I am as 100% positive today as I was then that I never called her the 'B' word. But what came out of that accusation was a good friend telling me that sometimes I come across as "snobby." I was painfully shy as a child and as I have been told even as an adult I have naturally serious facial expressions. This was often misinterpreted as acting snobby or like a B. I was now super self conscience and over thought every word that came out of my mouth and when I didn't over think it, I wanted to insert foot in mouth because what I said had to be stupid.
While I worked over these past experiences in my head, I got to working out as well. I started studying deeper into the newer and "trendier" philosophies and concepts in fitness that I had begun to love and implement, specifically High Intensity Interval Training and CrossFit and I continue to study them both. I started providing myself the opportunity to be coached as much as I coach others. I checked my ego at the door. Took some time to focus on my strength and my most of all my attitude of how I approach new things.
Practicing what I preach
Don't get me wrong. The journey is not over and it will never be over.
I have this great opportunity to lose that old environment of who is skinnier, toner, has a perfect body. I have Gaia Fit and I give you Gaia Fit. A place for you to embrace you, love you and live you as you are right now today while working to be better tomorrow. An environment of support, encouragement, and empowerment to live out health. To work hard every day to be the best you, you can be and to encourage and inspire your teammate sweating next to you to do the same.
Oh, and I rocked the booty shorts. Once I got over myself and really checked my ego and self consciousness at the door, I realize they are a super comfortable piece of equipment when strength training. They allow for range of motion and comfort and allow you to focus on form and strength. And if you are really into your workout and focused in the moment, the last thing you are worrying about is how your legs and butt look in the booty shorts.
(However, they should carry a warning label: For the ladies with a little more leg, don't wear for running workouts.)
Embrace your journey of health!
fitness, nutrition & the pursuit of happiness